Unleash Their Inner Genius. Or Just Teach Them to Fetch Your Slippers with Their Mind.
Neuralink for Pets: Because they deserve a brain upgrade, too. Finally understand what your goldfish is *really* thinking.
Elevate My Pet's Consciousness
Neuralink for Pets: Because they deserve a brain upgrade, too. Finally understand what your goldfish is *really* thinking.
Elevate My Pet's ConsciousnessYour pet thinks "treats," you hear "treats." The future of snack delivery is now a direct brain-to-hand connection.
No more muddy paws! Project realistic park simulations directly into their neural cortex. They'll never know the difference. (Probably).
Spoiler alert: It's usually about food. But sometimes it's complex geopolitical analysis. Be prepared for anything.
"My cat, Chairman Meow, now dictates philosophical treatises directly into my tablet. It's truly revolutionary. Though I suspect he's using it to demand more salmon."
"My poodle, Princess Fluffybutt, is now a master chess player. She even suggested a new opening, the 'Pawn-to-Treat Gambit.' Highly recommend!"
"We fitted our golden retriever, Laika, before her mission. Communication issues were completely resolved. Though her messages about squirrel protocols were a bit... intense."
Free
$299/mo
Contact for Quote
Our studies show a 73% increase in subtle eyebrow raises and knowing glances. We see this as a feature, not a bug. They just care, profoundly.
While we can't guarantee silence, we can guarantee your dog will be thinking much more sophisticated thoughts about the postal service. Like, "Is this a hostile package delivery protocol?"
Completely safe! Minor reported side effects include existential crises, an inexplicable craving for quantum physics lectures, and occasionally, spontaneous interpretive dance. All perfectly normal.
We encourage intellectual growth! We are not responsible for tuition fees or the acquisition of a miniature telescope. However, we do offer a tiny lab coat accessory package.
87%
of cats reported increased disdain for their owners, but a 92% improvement in naps.
(Paws Quarterly, Vol. 12, Issue 3, 2023)
300%
increase in "deep thoughts" among dogs (mostly about bacon, though).
(Canine Cognition Journal, Special Edition, "Bacon & Brains," 2024)
50%
faster maze completion for hamsters, who then demanded tiny corner offices.
(Rodent Neuro-Enhancement Today, Q4 Report, 2023)
Fill out the form below, and our team of highly qualified pet neuro-engineers will be in touch. (Or your pet will telepathically nag us.)